I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
