Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
