I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
