Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize