so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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