Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
