and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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