just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
