sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize