so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
