I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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