I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
