Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
