I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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