Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
