"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
