So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
