I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
