on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
