I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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