and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
