The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
