I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
