i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
