Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
