he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
