Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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