what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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