Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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