all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
