consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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