well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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