like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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