WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
