i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
