Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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