so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
