I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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