At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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