guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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