Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
