today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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