What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
