worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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