Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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