Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
