and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
