I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize