Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
