Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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