I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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