In the future we'll all be gay
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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