I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
