he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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