atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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