508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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