Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
