I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
