We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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