A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
