I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
