he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize