someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
