he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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