u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
