I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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