u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
