Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
