You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
