went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
