Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
