her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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